


Falling together, falling apart

by More_Light_In_Fireplace



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Hallucinations, Other, Self-Hatred, Self-Sacrifice, Time Skips, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2020-06-02 21:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19450048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/More_Light_In_Fireplace/pseuds/More_Light_In_Fireplace
Summary: Clintasha Endgame AU where- Clint doesn't have a wife and kids(my apologies to Laura stans).- Natasha and Bruce are only close friends(again, really sorry to any Brucetasha shippers).- The rest of Endgame still happens. Who DIED in the canon STAY DEAD(not that kind of fix-it).- The author's struggling through stages of grief.- Tags will be added along with the story-------------------It's basically Endgame with more Clintasha story to fill 2018-2023 time gap.-------------------"I have to go now""See you later?" Clint offered."Sure, I'll see you soon"Natasha hung up. She actually had to check up with Steve and James at Wakanda post-mission, but she would find another way around paying a visit to the retired Avenger later.Little did she know she would meet Clint again five years later.--------------------





	1. Before Storm - Prelude

' _The sky is blue_  
_but it's not that colorful_  
_the whole city is dull_  
_without you here_ '

"Seriously Nat?" Clint was doing his best not to laugh and violate her self-confidence, too much. He flipped the Big Ben postcard back and fort, between the picture and words written with a perfect penmanship.

"I've tried, OK?" Her voice simply told him he'd failed. "It's not my fault I don't know how to write something nice, just burn them."

"Aww, Nat no." Clint groaned "I'm gonna keep it forever… It's beautiful. It's going to be displayed in Smithsonian centuries later"

"And by the way, did you know 'Big Ben' is actually the nickname of the biggest bell on the clock tower? Not the whole tower name" he added when Natasha didn't immediately reply.

The other side of the line went silent for a little too long Clint had to look at his phone screen to check if Natasha was still there or she had already threw her phone down the Thames. Doing so make Clint missed whatever she was saying. What a bad timing.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

A heavy sigh could be heard easily this time "It was nothing"

"Alrighhhttttt" He agreed "Because you of all people would mumble nothing at all."

Clint was imagining Natasha did an eye roll while saying "Whatever, I just can't wait to wrap the mission up so I can go back and beat your sorry ass at the farm.

He looked down at the monitor wrapped around his ankle. He didn't regret siding with Steve one bit but the aftermath of not being able to go anywhere else outside his house sucked.

He didn't actually have to take their offer but he was too old to run like he used to do back then. Furthermore, he had already retired from being a hero for months, so no point in going back in thieves and spies businesses.

Well, at least his invisible jail was still bigger than that ant guy. Heard the guy accidently triggered an alarm just days ago. Poor man must be scared, or bored to death by how serious these guys work.

"Miss you too, Nat"

"Yeah" A small chuckle followed "You better be"

"I have to go now"

"See you later?"

"Sure, I'll see you soon"

Natasha hung up. She actually had to check up with Steve and James at Wakanda post-mission, but she would find another way around paying a visit to the retired Avenger later.

Little did she know she would meet Clint again five years later.


	2. Broken warriors - Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Days after the snap. Clint is missing, same as half the population. Communications are down. It's getting harder to confirm if he survived or not.

Natasha wakes up soaking in cold sweat. Body shakes heavily as she's trying her best to breathe, in and out. In and out she tries.

She didn't mean to fall asleep.

People slowly turn into dust is the only thing she can see when closes her eyes. Sometimes it was people who was already gone, like Sam, James or T'challa. Another time was worse, she would try hard to hold Steve's arm or beg Bruce not to let go of her hand while watching their faces faded away bit by bit.

They lost, maybe this is the punishment for anyone who survived. 

Because no matter how it started, in the end, Natasha is always left alone.

"Good punishment makes what you fear the most comes true." A low, deep voice speaks as a shadow form of her ex-partner slowly makes an entrance in the corner of the dark room "You always hate being alone"

The cold air is getting colder as the figure struggles toward Natasha. Orange light from her bedside lamp illuminates Clint's sandy blond hair but makes his usually cheap eyes look hollow and a little red.

"Na~ Ta~ Sha~" He's using his childish, sing-song voice "Aren't you happy to see me?"

She should be, this is what she wants. But seeing his face shouldn't make her feels painful.

Natasha just knows by heart this isn't real.

"Clint" She gasps "You can't be here… Y-you aren't real" She's awake. This is not another dream, or is it?

"Oh, am I really?" He sits at the end of her bed just an arm length away from her. His head tilts to the side "I'm here because you wanted me to."

"Besides, they're all gone Nat. Where else could I go?"

'You could've actually come here, you could've find me.' Natasha bites her lower lip to keep the response she has to herself. She can't talk to this Clint. This is just a fragment of someone she's trying so hard to hold on. It's pointless to do so.

"I couldn't find Kate and Barney never call that emergency number I gave him." He starts looking around slowly with his teary eyes, like he's taking in all the details. Like real Clint would do if he's actually here.

Real Clint would see broken glasses thrown at the corner that she still insists in keeping it there, he would see the disarray in her room, of the mess it has became, all the knocked down chairs and stuffs on shelves. He would see through her facade, through how 'fine' she really is.

This Clint, however, doesn't seem to acknowledge anything as his eyes land back on hers.

"I checked on them, everywhere, and I found nothing."

"Why would they all leave without me? I've got no one else now, Tasha, I'm all alone."

'Liar. What about the team… what about me?'

Clint opens his mouth and just closes it. His wide eyes suddenly look much more softer then they were before. He slowly raises his hand like he's afraid Natasha is going to snap and decide she wants to have his fingers as a dinner.

She does nothing as his thumb ghosts over her cheek, just sitting there. Looking into each other eyes.

"Why are you crying Widow?" He says as a drop of tear finally slips from his eye.

Huh, that's new.

When Natasha to going to touch where Clint's hand is, he pulls it back quickly as if burnt.

"I have to go." Clint offers his signature sad smile as he starts backing away from the edge of her bed.

No, no. Not again, not anymore.

"Don't go, don't leave me, please…" She's not shy to beg anymore, she passed the point long ago.

The corner of his mouth goes up a little "Like you said Nat, none of this is real. I'm actually out there somewhere doing something." He looks up as if thinking "Probably sleeping if we're in the same timezone, which you should do too you know."

"But you can stay here, you don't have to go. I need you Clint. I don't know what to do without you." Even if they are going to think she has lost it, so be it. At least she can be happy in her little world.

That makes him pause and faster than a blink he's back on the bed, gently holds her face in both of his hands. The act should have shocked her but Natasha feels calmer than she even does in a year "Look, Natasha, you're the smartest woman I've ever known. You're always the strongest of us two, you don't really need me for that"

"This is a desperate time to ask and I don't ask you to ignore your pain. You can be sulking or go out and scream it out or cry an ocean, everyone can, that's one of your unsaid human rights."

"I'm going to ask you to man up, eh, woman up or whatever. We both know that's not the point." Natasha can't resist rolling her eyes at him at this point. He chuckles back.

"The whole avengers are mentally down, I want you to be the first to dry your tears and be the one that guides them through the problems. The world after this is going to be in pure chaos." He smiles "And it needs avengers, more than before."

"You don't need to hide your sadness, just don't forget to show your courage when it's needed."

"Can you do that for me, for yourself?"

Natasha only nods once, clearly that's all Clint wants. Warm hands retreat back to its owner side. Clint nods back as well.

"Now, there you are. The same independent woman I met years ago in Budapest." His body starts to crack and crumble into dust "I never regretted that day."

"Neither did I." She whispers out to an empty air, where there's nothing to begin with from the start.

  
If anyone in the HQ can hear Natasha's wholehearted crying in the middle of the night, then they're too kind not to mention any of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually softened their encounter since first version made me felt like I'm watching some psychological horror movies. Clint was going to scream at Natasha and blamed her for not being able to protect the world. All scary ensured.
> 
> That might be nice but I eventually ended up with this outcome and I'm happy about it.
> 
> If you haven't fixed it out yet. Clint's act based on Natasha's mental stage. That was her own way to pull herself back together. 
> 
> I'm not a psychologist so this might be wrong on so many levels. I just liked the idea. 
> 
> You wonder where Clint really is or what happened? Well, I hope you can wait. Next chapter is going to be in his POV.
> 
> As always, thanks for your reading.  
> \- MLIF


	3. In the dark

If FBI didn't do a check up on him that day, Clint probably not going to realize something awfully wrong had happened.

“Alright!” Some nameless agent shouted, the guy started packing away the scanner he just used to read data on Clint's ankle. “Done for the day mister Barton.” He turned to nod at his companions. 

“You guys sure you don't wanna stay for lunch?” Clint offered, knowing too well these guys couldn't really do that.

Well, he had tried. It got lonely after sometimes.

The young man looked convinced, new guy huh, his face brightened up a little but quickly died away when another female agent shook her head at him. 

“That would have been nice mister.” the guy managed to sigh and make out his apology when it wasn't necessary “But eh, you know we can't.”

“Yeah, no biggies.” Said Clint, totally understanding “Well, guess I'll see you guy later then.”

So he walked them to their cars like a good host he was, Nat would have been so proud of him.

Clint was standing at his front porch, waving a goodbye after black vans that starting to getting small and smaller from his perception.

Then it happened.

When the screech from the front car reached his ears, he took off running toward the direction without any second thought. Horrified look appeared on his face when the first car abruptly stopped in the middle of the road. 

Then the following car rammed right into it. Smoke started coming out of the cars. 

But no one got out of it. No sign of life from where he was looking. 

“Fuck!” He gritted his teeth as a small device on his body started giving out a beep and turning orange, a warning that he was so close to the edge of where he should be and where he shouldn't.

But it was still too far from the car. Meters from it.

“Oh, fuck it.” Clint ignored the noise and finally closing the gap between him and the crash. 

He went for the door handle and pulled it open. 

Either he was hallucinating or FBI just pulled an A+ David Copperfield's disappearing trick on him, Clint was confused. 

There wasn't a single soul in here. Nothing but some dirt and dust floating in the car before it started settling in. 

He didn't waste too much time being confused and ran to the other car. Expecting to find someone who could explain what the hell was going on. 

And again he found nothing. Only an alarm coming from where he remembered the scanner was being kept. Corresponding to his ankle monitor, blinking red and still beeping.

What. The. Fuck.

He was in the open space, nowhere these guys could hide. There was no such thing as trapdoors or secret exit in these FBI issued vehicles for what he knew.

He turned his attention back to the beeping red light and he looked around, deep frown on his face. 

No one came for him, no black cars, no sirens, no helicopters, no agents armed to take him down in seconds. Like they had promised him it would happened when he crossed the line.

Now the silence was a torture. Now he hoped they would come for him.

Clint decided to head back home, nimble fingers turned on the TV. Sleek black phone in his hand.

‘ **THE WORLD IN CHAOS, PEOPLE SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED** ’ Said the headline.

“-and now we continue to receive the news that people around the world start disappearing in some form of dust. Many videos capturing the moment have been uploaded on the internet and it's going viral within minutes.”

Clint was watching the screen in disbelief as it showed men and women, even small kids or their pets cracked and crumbled into a pile of dust. People screaming and grieving for the one they had lost could be heard easily over the speaker.

“No… oh god.” He covered his own mouth, a bile threaten to burst out of his lips. He pierced the puzzles within a second.

In the crash cars, those dirty dust in them were actually people. They were gone, all of them.

“People are starting to riot on whatever or not this is some type of random terrorizing attack while the government still remains silent, refusing to give any detail…” The female reporter gasped loudly “Shit.”

“Josh!” She shouted a name. Probably belonged to some guy behind the camera.

She froze, unblinking, mouth stayed open like a dead fish. Like the screen was pause, only thing that let Clint knew it was a live news was the clock that moved in sync with his own.

It didn't take a smart guy to figure out what was happening.

But hell Clint was afraid to voice it out or even imagine what was going on on the other side of the camera.

For a minute she started to blink, eyes glassy with tears. Her body shook like a ragdoll controlled by shaking hands. The reporter finally looked back at the camera, eyes widened like she was going insane. 

“To god or whoever knows what is going on.” She whispered like she was praying “Please save us.”

The broadcast got cut into drastic signal.

Giving off bzzz bzzzz …. and then bzzz some more.

Clint always prided himself for having steady hands no matter the situation. 

But this time he realized it had shook him to his core when he had trouble dialing Kate's number with quivering fingers.

“Come on Katie-Kate.” He mumbled impatiently “Pick the fuck up.”

His heart dropped when it went into her voicemail.

“Hey, Kate. I hope you're ok.” His breathing became ragged “I- You- um, please call me back ok?”

“Please.” He pleaded one last time before he hung up.

Barney... 

Oh god, no matter how much they said they would be better off seeing the other dead. Barney was his only blood family he got.

He had no way from contracting him but he trust his brother's judgement to call the number Clint gave him before they had part ways.

The coolness of his communicator felt like a dead weight and it burnt his skins like he was holding blue flame.

Who else should I call? Will they still be there?

He actually didn't want to risk giving away their position just in case someone still kept an eye on him but up to this point Clint couldn't care less.

He decided to call Nat.

For quite sometimes that felt like an hour of listening to the ringing noise, she picked up.

“Clint!” She said, breathless like she was running to get her phone “Are you OK? Are you at your farm? I'll pick you up in an hour.”

“Clint, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. We lost.”

Their role had be reversed, Nat was the one who keep talking, asking for his whereabouts and whenever or not he was ok. Clint was the one who keep listening in silence, processing information that was dropped on him.

Natasha kept rambling on about the mad Titan Thanos from who the fuck knew where he was. His glorious quest with the infinity stones ‘gotta catch em all’. Tony was last seen from the outer space. Thor and Bruce came back from an alien planet. And finally about Steve's reunion with Bucky.

And there they were, losing together, both the battles and their people.

Actually, no. Not together and Clint couldn't imagine anything she said actually happening at all.

“Clint…Clint?” Nat finally stopped her talk and asked him once again. “Are you still there?”

The sound of uncertainty really bled though the line.

He hung up.

Yeah, stupid and so simple. He didn't even question himself when he pulled out his go bag from under the sofa. 

Part of him yelled at him from doing that, told him he should wait for Nat to come. Together with her to the HQ to meet his friends.

Nat was there, she was safe. Just strayed with her.

Smart voice and smart choice, and they always lost. 

He suddenly had the feeling of having to move out, either like he was chased by enemies or like he was moving from one foster home to a new one.

He felt like he needed quite sometimes to process the event, times away from everything.

Surely this was million times worse than a pandemic. Someone just decided they could play god and started removing lives from the earth surface.

The last time that happened ended with Clint having a panic attack and paranoid when he saw anything glowy and blue.

His phone rang, he actually paused to look on the screen. 

It was Barney's. 

“Barney?” He answered half-heartedly, mentally prepared himself for what was coming.

“No, Clint.” Came a shaking female voice “This is Simone.”

“Simone…” She was with Barney when he last saw them.

There was only one reason why Simone called him and not Barney himself.

“Oh god.” She was sobbing right now “Clint, they are all gone.”

“Barney and the kids… my kids Clint … what happened?” 

“Simone, I'm so sorry.” He really was “There was a threat from an alien.” Clint made sure he was using small and simple words so he didn't confuse the poor lady “Must have been some kind of magic. The Avengers tried to stop him… they've tried.”

“Oh, oh god.” She kept whispering like a broken record “Why?”

_Why her? Why Barney and her kids couldn't make it? Why Thanos did that? Why did the Avengers lose?_

To be honest Clint didn't know either.

“Listen to me Simone.” He tried “Are you at somewhere safe? Do you have any place to stay? Do you have enough supplies to stay by yourself... for a month maybe?”

“I-” He heard shuffling sound like she was getting up and walking around, after quite sometimes she answered “Yeah, I think I do.”

“Good.” He said “That's good, you have to stay right there. Keep checking the news if you can, it might be safer for you if you don't go out.”

“OK…”

Clint was too sure with himself on what to do next “If there's emergency you can call this number, also text me your location after the call. Stay safe OK?”

“OK, good bye.” She was still sobbing but she was the one who had the courage to hang up first.

So after that he left, the tracking monitor laying on the floor. Welcoming spies and shadows businesses hopefully for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry if this is not as good as older chapter since I really have a big problem writing Clint's POV and trying so hard to justify why he left on his own. Since it made no sense to me but I want to stick to the canon as much as I can.
> 
> I cannot guarantee you much but I'm still working on next chapter so... yep.
> 
> And dang it I didn't realize it was ages since I last updated this. Life just happened. 
> 
> Thank you for not forgetting this one then.
> 
> Thank you for your reading, your kudos and comments make me younger by ten years. -MLIF

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I bit my tongue and actually started the story. I don't really have much planning on how the story goes but I have something in my mind on how it will start and how it ends. 
> 
> *whisper* It's an endgame fix-it but I won't bring anyone back to life.
> 
> Hmm, so, this prelude took place after Civil War but before Infinity War and the main story will start right after Infinity War(might be referred as IW later).
> 
> If you're interested in how this goes, sit tight and do good things to kill times because it will take a while to continue. 
> 
> In the end, as always. I love you and thanks for your reading. The mistakes you found in the story are all mine. -MLIF


End file.
